Stop Interviewing and Start Healthy Dating
🚨 The job interview is broken. And dating might just fix it.
When you date someone, you want to know who they are. Not just what they've done. You're curious. You're open. You want to feel a genuine connection. 💛
Now think about the average job interview. One side asks all the questions. The other side performs. No real connection. No safety. No truth. Just a polished performance on both sides.
That's not hiring. That's an audition.
What healthy dating gets right
Dating is a two-way exploration. Both people figure out if this works. Both bring their authentic self; their passions, their values, their beliefs. Neither feels interrogated.
The most successful partnerships begin when the 'mask' comes off. When both parties feel safe enough to be real, authentic and vulnerable. 🤝
The behaviours that create this safety
These observable actions shift an interview into a genuine conversation.
Attentive presence: relaxed body language, mirroring energy, smiling, strong eye contact, active listening. Being fully present. 👀
Conversational flow: start with small talk, provide context upfront, ask open-ended questions, be curious about them, not only what they've done. Open up and share your own truths too.
Empathy in action: validate answers and emotions. Show genuine humility.
A nurturing environment: comfortable setting, ideally outside the office. Allow silence. No rushing. In our digital world, a non-work icebreaker and a high-resolution camera go a long way. It makes them feel you are truly in the room. 🌿
This is about respect, connection, and feeling safe, on both sides.
What drives these behaviours?
Beneath every behaviour are drivers.
Thoughts: "This person deserves respect and safety."
Feelings: Curiosity, openness, genuine interest.
Values: Emotional safety, self-awareness, self-respect, awareness of others.
Beliefs: "People are not bullet points on a CV." And "The best candidate won't be authentic in an interrogation." And "We are all equal travellers on this path, and every conversation is a chance to walk together." 💡
When hiring managers hold these types of beliefs, everything changes. The questions change. The tone changes. The outcome changes. 🌱
The first chapter matters
How you show up in an interview shapes your entire future with that company, so be authentic. How a company interviews you reveals their culture.
Psychological safety in hiring reflects psychological safety at work.
If you left your last interview feeling judged rather than understood, that is a surface-level evaluation, loaded with unconscious bias.
When you start seeing interviews as a safe space for discovery and the potential of being the first chapter of a fruitful working relationship, you show up differently.
Both sides wearing a mask. Neither feeling safe enough to be authentic. 🎭 The most successful working relationships; like the best partnerships in life, begin when the mask comes off. When there is genuine curiosity. Real conversation. Mutual vulnerability.
So, here's the question; are you truly getting to know people, or just auditioning them?
We often hire for experience, and people often leave because of behaviour.
Experience matters, however, hard skills can be easily taught.
But behaviour, and what drives it, matters even more. 🎯
Ask yourself: Am I creating a space where truth can breathe, or am I just collecting performances?
Thank you for reading. This isn’t just about hiring; it’s about how we choose to meet each other. Whether in business, friendship, or love, the first chapter sets the tone for everything that follows.
Let’s make it real. Let’s make it safe. Let’s make it human.
What’s one thing you do to create safety in your conversations?
By Marc Leslie FREC, Ihon Holistic Hiring® & Development